The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
