In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It's just like the Real World with babies
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Rumble strips road head = magical
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i think im in europe. pls send help
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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