ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize