Me too!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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