So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think I sprained my soul last night
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
