chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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