Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Is it because I queefed?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
