nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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