Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
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Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket