The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.