i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.