I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
