how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"