So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE