I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.