Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.