Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.