Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
