dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize