She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
