I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
