glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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