I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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