ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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