Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
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soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize