Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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