ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
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She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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