Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
