dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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