Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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