Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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