I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
