A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
