I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize