The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize