Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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