i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So many bounce houses so little time
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
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