Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
