I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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