No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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