Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
