just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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