My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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