I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I want her autograph on my taint
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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