Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
