the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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