Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
