I puked a lego.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
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He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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