It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
