I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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