just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He did a backflip because drugs
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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