Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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