I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
