Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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