On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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