sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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