He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
