sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
