i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
