Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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