): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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