We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I need to calm my uterus...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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