Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
