I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.