so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
