i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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