please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.