maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
