i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So much Jack, so little girl.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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