help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
