I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
