I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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