we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.