This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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