Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Randomize