I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
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I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
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I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch