she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
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peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
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Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.