I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
