I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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