Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
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Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
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I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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